Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Fat Guy Fashion

There just doesn't seem to be very many 'normal' garments for a guy my size. Sure, I can wear a suit, but that just makes me look like a Wall Street banker...but now those guys are slim too. Who ever heard of skinny fat cats? So, why do fat guys get all the loud clothes? Doesn't someone get the fact that we don't need an additional channel to draw attention to ourselves? Our gut has that covered. Now somebody DID think of this and they started making camouflage stuff big enough for me, but honestly. But honestly, how often do fat guys hang out outside? Especially, when it is hot.  

 If you want to make me happy make me a shirt that makes it look like I actually have a waist. Is that too much to ask? Look, large ladies get all kinds of help trying to 'minimize'. The clothing industry has embraced them...to a certain point. Unfortunately for men, manufacturers seem to be content with metaphorically laughing and pointing, saying "ha ha, look at the fat guy in the funny shirt."   

Not being familiar with the garment industry, perhaps I am unaware of some materialy related reason for using ugly prints. I have noticed that once a lady reaches the diameter requiring a muumuu, the prints available to them also degenerate into the realm of clown vomit. I always chalked it up to the cultural origins of the muumuu, but maybe not.  

 This is a plea from a fat guy with understated taste in clothes. Please make me a shirt that doesn't look like a snow-cone acid trip.